Selfish........

 

I’ll just say it.

I’m selfish.

Absolutely, positively 100% selfish.

I’m putting my own needs at the top of my list of priorities. I’m putting on my own air mask before helping others. I’m finally recognizing that I need something in my life, and I’m making it happen. I’m putting dusting and laundry and dishes and vacuuming lower on my to do list than yoga. I’m opening up the windows, cranking the music, and getting lost in the present moment when I “should be” planning meals, going to the grocery, or picking up toys.

Yep. I recognize and value my own well being and what I can contribute to the world. Therefore, I’m selfish, right?

Somewhere along the way, as we women began climbing the corporate ladder and fighting for the equality we so righteously deserve, we seem to have put ourselves last. We have redefined taking care of ourselves and labeled it “being selfish”. We judge each other if a friend’s house isn’t spotless. We think meeting other people’s expectations is more important than finding our own joy.

So, yes. I’m selfish. Because one day, between running from work to the grocery store…  and vacuuming while trying to sing to my daughter... and scrubbing the baseboards at 1 AM because that was the only time I could fit it into my schedule… and trying to come to grips with the fact that one of my best friends was dying from cancer… I just stopped. I was tired. I was miserable. I wasn’t a good mother nor a good wife, nor a good friend. As my friend was dying, she still came to visit us, to be silly and to make some amazing memories with us. I’ll be eternally grateful to her because in her last few months in that cancer-ridden body, she taught me that the only thing that matters is this exact moment. RIGHT NOW. If what you’re doing right now doesn’t make you happy, don’t do it. It’s that simple.

Being mindful of this exact moment is my yoga.

My yoga could be a few quiet minutes reading a book that lights up my mind. It’s rolling out my mat and moving my body in a way that leaves me grateful for the breath that keeps me alive. It’s ensuring I have a few minutes each day for meditation to purify my thoughts. It’s recognizing when I’m distracted and shutting down my family when I should be engaging and connecting. Yoga for me is quieting that critical voice that says the guy who just cut me off is a jerk who can’t drive. My yoga fills my heart with love and admiration for my husband and kids and gives me the wisdom to soak in each moment of it. It allows me to silence the ego that pushes me to work harder, faster, and fancier.

Yoga allows me to connect with others on a deeper level, to appreciate their stories, and to accept them without judgment.

A decade ago, I would have said that yoga was my way to stay fit. It was a way to keep trim and toned. It was a bit of a stress reliever as I was in the midst of proving my worth and potential so I could have a successful career. It was my time to be quiet after speaking to a full classroom for eight hours.

Along this journey over that decade, I’ve grown wiser, happier, healthier, and closer to my family. I can give freely. I can love them freely. I can love myself freely. As I’ve been chasing each day, I’ve been busy living the life I want to live, not just being busy wishing I could. This journey isn’t over yet though. The next phase is only just beginning.

I want to share yoga. Many of us seek permission of sorts to do what we know in our hearts is the right thing to do. I want to help others find their own voice and give themselves permission to let go of the worry and negativity.

Once one realizes how much more there is, it’s impossible not to want others to have the same. So now, I’m thirsty to know more, and the real adventure begins… 

 Kim began practicing yoga to escape the stresses of a corporate job with a heavy travel schedule. Throughout a handful of moves across the country, yoga has provided a sense of home and stability.A learner by profession, Kim is passionate about helping others learn, and she's on a mission to inspire others to ditch the guilt, eliminate the busy-ness that consumes our society, and enjoy a balanced life stemming from self-empowerment and kindness.